Monday, July 6, 2009

Suffocation and sucking it up

Some studies regarding borderline personality indicate that patients with this disorder have deep fears of abandonment. So when we finally find somebody that can gives us love or attention we do whatever is necessary so they don’t abandon us. With the result we suffocate and smother people…and people obviously run away. I wish I had a good advice not to do this but sadly I don’t. Sometimes I think for my own sake I should just focus into my writing, poetry, reading, going out with the couple of friends I have and simply quitting hoping for a partner. And I have to clarify I never look for nobody. I just find them in my course. I find them and then I think they are worth the try but when things get rough they just walk away. This reaction is normal, not everybody has the tools to deal with us. But is kind of hard to realize probably we will never find somebody able to see and deal with our mental illness. Right now I see the journey as a lonely path, nobody is holding my hand and I feel nobody will, even if I tried to the best of my capabilities to overcome the traits of my illness. The only people that probably will stick is your family, the people you grew up with and love you unconditionally and I don’t have that so I have to suck it up and keep going…and God knows how painful is.

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