Thursday, December 30, 2010

Passing the 30's

Due my condition, I always thought I was going to kill myself before I reached my 30 birthday. My 20's were a succesion of one crisis after the other one. But my 29's were the worst. I lost my job, a relationship and my condition was out of control. But looking back at all that destruction, I can see the magic of reinvention. I was able to survive. In two more days I will be 32 years old. I'm capable of keeping a job. I'm going back to school for a short EMT course. I have a roof over my head, friends that loved me thru thick and thin and I'm full of hope. Hope that if I continue with my meds and therapy I will win the battle against bipolar disorder and borderline personality. The future looks better because I'm in control of myself. After DBT I have more awareness of my mood changes and I can plan ahead to avoid the deep sides of my condition. I still have my dark moments, sometimes my mood swings take away the light of life but I'm still here, fighting. I never thought I was going to see my 30's. I'm glad I did because the 30's brought a nephew that is a boy that is a smile in my life. They brought a relationship that seems strong and growing. My choices are endless and that is my point, for years I felt being bipolar was a death sentence, that I wasn't going to have a healthy life but I was wrong. Is possible. I don't think about when I'm going to die anymore. Only God knows when is my last day but I'm sure when it comes I will be able to say I did my best and I had a healthy life full of love and redemption.